Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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