You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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