I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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