she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
