Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
