You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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