ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
