i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
