I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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