Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize