remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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