Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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