i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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