I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize