12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize