i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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