Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
