i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
