Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
