She is in my trunk
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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