that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
