does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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