Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
