he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
