I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
