Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize