somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
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