note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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