does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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