so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
