watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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