Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
