Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
