He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
