your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
