Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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