You're so nebulous sometimes
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
