; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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