He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize