I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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