I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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