what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My penis needs a shock collar
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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