ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
