Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
