ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
