I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
