I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
