Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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