he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
