But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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