my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
