Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
