The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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