Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
