She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize