I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize