So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
