so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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