I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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