How'd it feel making her break her religion?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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