i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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